Understanding Trauma

There is so much on social media about trauma, healing the inner child, and learning to live in the present mome

nt. Much of it is helpful and meaningful. However, in real life, the picture is often more complex and nuanced.

There is a difference between a traumatic event and trauma.

A traumatic event is something that happens. It may be frightening or overwhelming, but it is limited in time. With enough safety and support, many such experiences can gradually settle and become part of one’s life story.

Trauma is not only what happened, but what stays inside after the event has passed. Sometimes the nervous system does not fully settle, and the body may stay alert, emotions feel stuck, and certain moments or reminders can bring the experience back as if it is still present. Trauma lives not only in memory, but in the body and our emotional world.

Complex trauma develops when overwhelming experiences happen repeatedly, often in close relationships and often early in life. There may be no single event, but rather a long atmosphere of fear, unpredictability, neglect, or emotional or physical pain. Over time, the system adapts in order to survive. Some experiences may fade from conscious memory, yet their impact continues to shape how a person feels, relates, and experiences safety.

When experiences are too overwhelming to hold all at once, the self becomes a fragmented yet very sophisticated, organised system. One side, what I call the Everyday Self,  continues to function, manage life, work, care, and keep going. Other sides may carry pain, fear, or memories. There are also protective sides that are always on guard, trying to prevent those experiences from happening again.

The great challenge is that triggers can appear in daily life:  sometimes people might know that they are barely coping, other times it might feel like a bad mood, other times gaps in memory.  A person may feel deep inside that something is not quite right, yet reaching for help can feel frightening or overwhelming.

If you recognise yourself here, I want to extend warmth and understanding to you. This is not weakness or brokenness. It is the intelligence of survival. If at one point you decide to reach out for help, please look for a psychotherapist who understands complex trauma and dissociation, and who works gently, safely, and at the right pace.

Sending you rays of warmth!